There’s a beautiful glow to the human that comes with getting over a break up and finding a different level of confidence. The breakup glow up is a massive “$#!% U” to the face to someone you once shared a brief moment of your life with. Especially if you can post it online everywhere, and with the world of social media, this has spoon fed us the obsession of the breakup performance.
In today’s society it is very easy to get caught up in the world of social media, a five minute toilet break can turn into 45 minutes of scrolling (always by accident mind). Getting yourself all dressed up for 30 minutes of picture taking - you know there’s always going to be people watching you. However, there are many of us opposed to the idea of wasting our time looking at a screen. Instead of seeing the world that is right in front of us for real. But isn’t posting the breakup glow up so addictive?
Just like most people in 2022 I have become absorbed into posting online, especially since after my break up. I became and probably still am very heavily involved in the post breakup performance. It started off so innocently only posting frequently on stories, to then the grid and now even experimenting with reels. Not only have I been turning looks to remind my followers what I look like but also sharing what my job entails as well as future holidays I had just booked five seconds prior.
Who was this for and why am I doing it? Nowadays we can’t post anything online without some sort of backlash of having to be doing it for someone else. Me and my ex don’t follow each other, nor is he one to stalk so I know he won’t be seeing it, hoping he misses me. Am I waiting for silly boys to slide into my dms (never men always 20-30 something year old boys)? Does compliments from people I really do not care about satisfy me? I want to say no, but I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t secretly enjoy it – if it comes from someone I fancy that is! I do know my love language is quality time and words of affirmation is a close second so it does make sense but has it turned into an unhealthy obsession? I am very aware of the control that I have recently taken up with my recent hook-ups especially the regulars. For once I am in charge of what’s happening and when it’s happening and I keep them entertained on the gram. Maybe I am toying with them and that’s why I’ve been regularly posting, just to add to the tease. Who knows, who cares, I'm having fun!
You won’t, however, catch me doing, a Kanye West publicly begging for the return of a loved one, creating content to tear down their most recent partner (poor Skete). Nor would you catch me doing an Alex Rodriguez just posting content of pure sadness. I can’t really compare my situations to theirs my ex is no Jenifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian. Expressing this much vulnerability is not for me. Maybe this is a man’s version of a post breakup performance. I for one think mine is a lot more exciting as well as a little less sad and pathetic.
My very first post since the breakup was a selfie I had taken before a brunch date with me and my girls. I already knew the relationship was doomed at this point in time so I put on my prettiest face and brightest red lipstick to make myself feel better. Took a quick snap and threw my phone on the bed. I never replied to the comments on this post, couldn’t bear to look at my phone during this time period. However, you may be able to notice as you scroll up that I have begun wearing more of a ‘baddie style’ makeup and wearing clothes more deemed on trend in comparison to my usual crop top and jeans. But I have been responding to all comments because I can look at my phone again!
The post breakup performance is fun, I’m enjoying finding my new level of confidence, moving pass the breakup depression and leaving the house to hang out with my girls again. I am still in that phase of wanting to trying new things and you can definitely bet that I will be posting it online. I have started looking towards to the future and not the past. Perhaps, this breakup performance has been better than therapy to move past my previous relationship. It might be toxic but it works and that is all that matters right now but I can focus on the healthier options in therapy when I’m ready.
Follow my breakup performance on IG @ayannajxrdan
